Astrology 12th-18th: Crisis of Representation

 ABYSSAL EPISTLES
The Astrology of Baron Samadhi von Coppockalypse, PHD

Vol. 77:  Crisis of Representation

     On Valentine's Day, Mercury went retrograde proper, accompanied by the massive, blinding snowstorm suggested by the title of the retrograde warning piece, "Frozen Forest," published a few weeks ago.  Destructive tornadoes also touched down in Texas a few days before, as alluded to in last week's piece, "Valentine's Day Massacre."   As always, Mercury retrograde troubles all clean divisions.  Event and metaphor reveal their entanglement and cross-dress to their heart's content.  This opens the way for a more complete and encompassing vision of reality, but it problematizes concrete decisions and divisions. On a speech given on Valentine's Day Retrograde,  Bush urged the country into another war without evidence.  This is a pseudo-solution to a seemingly impossible problem.  The same current which infects the country threatens to plague individuals within it, as well.  Do not give yourself to imaginary solutions to difficult problems because it feels better.  Do not go to sleep in the snow.  

     Retrograde Mercury in Pisces stimulates escapist desires.  You may find the siren spectre of a perfect relationship, a perfect place, a perfect feeling, drawing your mind into a cold, watery grave.  This tomb beneath arctic seas is the resting place of a calculation you failed to make before.  Descend as deep into the waters as you must go to reclaim this, but don't stay longer than neccesary.  Making irrevocable decisions during this period is highly discouraged.     

     During Mercury retrogrades, the usual polarity of the mind is reversed.  Delayed and forgotten communications are made, while the ability to make normal ones disappears.  Listening, reading, and absorbing information into your mental core becomes easier than speaking and writing.  For those with Mercury retrograde in their natal charts, you may have entered one of those times when your words are strangely coherent, your messages unmolested.  Make use of it while it lasts, 'tards. 

    If we look back one lunar cycle, to the New Moon in Capricorn, we were plotting prosperous changes before being derailed by a season of mental sleet.  Where are we now?  Have we lost our way, but kept our direction?  Or have we been blown off course, with no way of getting back to the path we swore we were going to tread?
    The New Moon in Aquarius occurs on Saturday, after the Moon's conjunction with Neptune on Friday adds even more heartfelt confusion.  Your challenge for the coming lunar month is to survive the tension between the impossibility of and necessity for planning.  By the time we fully break free of Mercury's strange cycle, it will be spring, and the setting will have changed dramatically.  Do not abandon your goals.  Hells, both freezing and scorching, serve to refine the strong and eliminate the weak.  Which parts within you that survive and find strength is a choice you are in the process of making.   

     As of the New Moon in Aquarius, we officially enter the Chinese calender's Year of the Pig.  And not just any Pig, mind you, it's the Purple Pig.  Purple denotes that this particular year of the Pig is governed by the "Fire" element of the Chinese 5 Element Cycle/Wu Xing.  The Yin, or passive form of Fire is color-coded as "purple."  The Pig is a Yin sign, t herefore this is the Year of the Purple Pig.  You will also hear this referred to as the Year of the "Fire Boar."  These are generally the same people who refuse to pronounce Uranus normally because it sounds dirty. Make fun of them.

Horoscopes:  February 12-18

 
Aries:  Delayed Blast Fireball 

     This goddamn waiting around has got to be getting on your nerves.  It'll be a bit before your firestorm can scorch the skies, but you'll get excited again next week.  Just hold tight and don't waste too time or energy punching walls.  Punches are for people.

 
Taurus:  You Can Do Eet!

     Poor Taurus, it seems your vindication will never come.  Though the pile up of horrific forces that conspired against you last year has largely dispersed, you're still dealing with the extra workload its created.  Stay on the ball and let the winter slowly sew your psyche back together.  You can do it, hoss.

Gemini:  It's Always The Quiet Ones… 

    How's your brain, Gem?  Suffering from psychic and synaptic misfires?   This is what Mercury retrograde means for you.  It's time for the usually silent twin to speak, so be quiet and see what comes.

Cancer:  Crab Cake

    This time is less malefic for you than the rest of your zodiacal brethren, though your astral travel forecast looks a little strange.  You may have to rethink trips you've considered taking. 

Leo:   Pass or Fail 

     Leo, did you find out that you weren't "The One" this winter?  Being "The One" is simply a matter of choosing to be.  If you don't get that, you flunk Aquarius, and will have to repeat this section of the zodiac until you get it.

Virgo:  Start With The Sink 

    Dear Virgo, I pity you.  Trying to keep things organized and well-lubricated this time of year has got to be the shittiest job ever.  And yet, absolutely necessary.  Once again, you are the zodiac's picky, ill-mannered savior.  Do you accept?  If so, you can start by cleaning the Baron's filthy apartment.

 
Libra:  The Relationship Between A and B

      Scorpio, you prefer to have a mission, a mineshaft to descend, a throat to cut, pants to infiltrate.  But the far reaching thoughts you've been having about where you're based and what you'll do with yourself professionally are anything but pointed right now.  Make time for these thoughts while attending to practical matters. 

Sagittarius:  Magic Retard 

       Ah, Sagittarius, the magic retard of the zodiac. Your old friends and family may be having a hard time understanding your ascent into complete and total awesomeness.  Understand that the nature of complete and total awesomeness means understanding what others do not.  Condescending compassion may suit you well.  Or at least better than condescension without the compassion.  

 
Capricorn:  Team Goat

    Assessing the value of various aquantainces in your circle?  Feel'em out before you make the decision to keep or cut anyone from the team. 

   
Aquarius:  Ruled By Uranus

      The close of a soli-lunar cycle and Mercury retrograde marks Aquarian birthdays this week.   Consternation in the financial realm is also highly probable.  Avoid putting your faith in dubious schemes.

 
Pisces:  Space Cadet Reporting For Duty

     Your birthday's right around the corner, but where is your mind?  Expect your spacey tendencies to magnified 5 fold for the rest of the month.  This time, write down what the angel-faery-alien-demons say to you, so you can pass it off as your own set of ideas.  

  Disclaimer: If you do not take every word of these horoscopes into you with the utmost faith, you will die. Statistics bear this out. Simply scan the newspapers. You will find that an overwhelming majority of the people that die each week DID NOT read the Baron's horoscopes.  If your newspaper or your mom's website are interested in publishing the Baron's weekly prophetics, or you're interested in a personal reading,  shoot this old guy an email at Dr.Coppockalypse@gmail.com. The Baron is also available for birthdays, weddings, funerals and orgies.   

COPYRIGHT 2007 ABYSSAL EPISTLES

                                                                                                                          Sol in Aquarius, Luna in Capricorn


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