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Adrian's Page

 

off to lose myself....possibly.
take a care
and post it to someone
because fair is fair
this little one
sundays sun.

goodnight.
adrian.

august 19th, 2007

Dream number one over another.

I woke this morning at around 9am. I do not recall waking up at any point prior to this.
Just like Dorothy I was awake in my bed. I felt rather pleased and relieved about this fact.
Though the night previous I did hear someone mention, “why did Dorothy want to return to her drab boring mean world…back on the farm!?!” Yeah, it’s a good point.

So I lived a lifetime in this mornings dream…and will only be able to recount a few threads left not so bare by a memory in pursuit of wellbeing. Recall is not god…so I wont
purposely go into story mode and invent what occurs. Our minds and memory are fragile
so I guess I should apologise for any misgivings I present.

Would I make up certain details…for the sake of flow? No. Not on purpose. For it detracts from the reality of the subjective experience.

So within a couple of hours (I think) I was dreaming. I was lucid sometimes, others…
not so much. I have a habit of forming a solid foundation…or perception of such a state
but having a frame of mind that suggests by my personal human nature – that ‘controlling everything’ is not needed.

It poses the question: How often do we get a chance to see our subconscious mind unfurl in front of our (albeit) dream eyes? One chance…and its within the sleep of dreams.
It is here that one can attain a conscious mind and meditate on various situations and conditions…but always assume the position of a seat. The mind can walk in all directions if it’s deemed necessary. Perhaps our DND pathways are coded…and so others may feel rather inclined to go flying…for flying’s sake. The list of things to do in this dream state is endless. I find it more curious to see…what my mind can present to me…without my conscious knowledge. How do characters interact with me? What are their moral standpoint? Domino el domino…what is my moral standpoint? Not my manufactured stance on things…not vacuous mannerisms born from incomplete strangers. But what is it…that’s in me? Again…genetically…where does ones own DNA take them?

I am reminded of an example to clarify any of my above words…into what’s hopefully seen as a concise involvement of words.

I was in a dream state once. I became lucid. I was happy and intrigued by my current state. I was in my old school yard. It seemed rather appropriate to live out a sexual fantasy. Nothing to expensive in weight. Just a simple fuck. For fuck’s sake!
Amongst the crowd…I spotted a girl. Approached in a rather ‘unlike the reality of the day’ way. I was dreaming…I could do what I wanted. I have a hand on her shoulder…
I can imagine all that I want. She turns and stares at me…with the largest black pupil eyes…as if to say, ‘What are you doing!?!’ It shocked me. I couldn’t believe in my own dream, I was being denied. But the look she gave…and her eyes. I literally held back.
I knew what actions id take. I’d meditate on the situation. That’s what it begged for.
By way of dreaming her up myself – did I indeed deny myself sexual gratification? I guess the answer is yes. But it also served as an entrance of a moral standpoint and responsibility that one has. From my mental capacity I naturally felt this:

How could I possibly take my sexual gratification over this girl…who clearly said no to me. Such a move disregarded a notion of dreaming and a daily reality. That line was blurred complete. It didn’t matter where I was. I had to uphold what I believed to be the most conducive way forward. I had the obligation to walk away. So I did.

It was around about this time – when I first started my lucid dreaming experience. IN a way I feel fortunate. For countless times in the past and so surely in an unstable future…
I come across people who feel a need to control all that is dreamed up. Freedom is a wonderful thing. But to produce a state where control is linked to the word ‘everything’…well I just don’t know about that. My bias suggests…that some are searching for a supposed answer…beyond a certain base point.

OK. So this morning…

I will start from the beginning…and write as if it’s all happening now.
It’s my way of reliving the past events…and hopefully making for a read of solid substance…chronologically wise. (A lot has faded I must say)

2 Dreams are lived out in succession.

I am in my backyard. I see a young looking ‘Goran’ (from the show law and order: criminal intent) coming towards me from the clothes line. I ask if I can get some acid from him. He says yeah for sure. He then brings up…some of the effects…and uses the word caution. I start to think about such a conversation coming up in such given circumstance. I laugh…but worry. He’s right…BUT really…ecstasy has its downside…heck all drugs do. I will be fine.

WE are suddenly in a city landscape…walking in what appears to be a city…location.
Bar/club….??? My friends are up ahead of me. I’m going to lose them. I see them ( I think) duck into a building. It has an elevator in its small peculiar lobby. They must have went up I thought. So there I went. Nothing but a hallway. I see a door open…it’s an acupuncture shop. Surgery. Hmmm. They’re not in there. I go to turn away…but two men take me into the room. It seems I have information that they want to get out of me.
I’m in what seems to be a dental chair…held down. The doctor (of sorts) starts on me, with a mean looking face…He starts sticking me with acupuncture needles. Into my face mostly. I am in pain. What is going on? They have got the wrong guy! I am being tortured. As they are standing over me (the other guy seems to be a henchman) I start to think. Like the snap of a finger. I know I am dreaming. But I am paused. I know what’s just been happening. Its all up to my mind if I want it to carry on. I find this thought has humour. I then immediately lunge out of my chair…nothing can hold me back.

Next thing I know. I am on the side of a road. ( I lost lucidity here) Near my hometown. Slightly amongst it. My friends, I think. Suns out. It is early morning though. The party of the city is over. I see a bus…it’s dropping off my friends. I run over to them. Glad to have found them…we walk away…along a road barrier. (missing bits here)

I am in bedroom. Also my backyard. A couple of people are with me. Friends I guess.
I attain a lucid state…and wonder how (I’m laughing again) its so easy to forget our lucid moments. I felt good to come back around…and know my state of being. (I loose lucidity again)

I have a device. It’s small and hardly noticeable. Its effects however are gaining my senses. My focus. Swoosh. I am nowhere but I am everywhere. I am in the future.
I feel a great sense of pioneering. Adventure. I am one of the first. (missing bits here)

I sense that something isn’t right though. Something is amiss. I am still in my backyard
But it’s the future…and alternatively I feel like a parallel world. Its all so much the same…yet it feels dissimilar. Where are the people of this world???

I gain lucidity. Some people are showing up now. I fear for my life…they seem to be running right for me. (lucidity is at a low fading point) I purposely start to jump over my neighbours and my adjoining fence. I get away. (I’m no longer lucid) I need help…

I look at my transporting device. It looks wild. I sense a female presence. The dial…on what appears to be a mobile phone…is wonderful. Around the dial is…as I turn it a bit…is numerous star charts. I know look up…and I am in interstellar space. I am looking slightly downward…to a galaxy. Golden in colour. Like a huge disc…cloudy.

I wonder if its home. I just want to go home. I can’t find my ‘home’ on the device. I’m sad. I’m braced and feeling like…I have to accept its gone. That I will…just have to look forward…to something else.

I wake up in bed now. I am so relieved it was a dream. A few seconds later…my sadness went away. I was in awe of the feelings I had. Of the whole experience. I remembered past dreams…lucid and unconscious…and how…recall is surreal upon waking. As if I wasn’t in my bed that whole time.

In a half sleep…I went back and relived it all again…as best as I could. Just so I could recall it and write it out as best as can be. I then decide to not get up and write it out…I know that it may mean losing some recall ability upon my second waking. But I’m tired. So off I go.

I awake a couple of hours later. I can now recall with exact preciseness…many false awakenings…where I tell my brother and etc of my big old dream. I have forgotten some of my earlier dream. Most is intact though. I must have really wanted to hold onto it I guess.

Many hours later I sit down to the computer and write it all up. Mediations. Dreams. Thoughts.

With a large gap…to ponder the events. I thought it was quite amazing to perceive my self in the futures tense. It was a feeling of beyond the Now. Nor a reflection of the past.
It honestly felt like I was living and breathing the future. Perception and all. That stood out to me.

The space/galaxy bit…was great. That gave a great feeling. Seeing the vastness. Unbelievable. A feeling of travelling also went through my mind. Still does.

All in all…I can recount a majority of the key kernels of events. But a lot has dispersed.

So I both missed a lot…but gained innumerable things. Enough to want to wrote it down.

What you get from that…all this…is up to you.
You might prefer to look deeper into things than I.
I see it…as a great subjective experience…that is barred from
existing on a plain of objective science.

It was my mind…both conscious and unconscious coming together.
Giving me experience…and memories...defined by…living.

Nothing more. But that’s just me.

June 4th, 2007

 

Hey...Japanese Jass.......Jazz....
ua & naruyoshi kikuchi...is their name...the former a woman..the latter a man. She does the vocals....rather sublime......ha almost frank sinatra like....i was never a fan of his......but she has some tone alright! Slow and smooth......does a version of 'somewhere over the rainbow' freaking 10 plus minutes long......not bad.
The other three...well Cornelius..he's in my friends list.....and the other two are compilations.....one by someone calling himself 'the professor'....the other one..lounge music......not bad.....but not good either...them two.....a worthy expedition perhaps.

~~~thanks for the references...;) I will have to see if I can track those down.


Thats right.....the metaphysics thing. I remember the comment. I remember trying the link..or whatever you gave me..to check it out.....BUT my computer wouldnt go there! So....i do recount now..of how i realized....time wise.....it would have been hard to sync up with you over there....BUT i can remember falling asleep......just as that session thing..was coming to a close......around 8-9am over there yeah? It was 10 i think pm at night....and out of nowhere......i fell asleep......BUT not much more than that..can i remember.

~~~hmmm...that is cool. I believe I posted the dream I had in my dream journal, but it looks like I didn't specify anywhere that it occurred during the experiment. I did finally get around to sending the dream description to the school. It was not a lucid dream, unfortunately, though. I feel a vague sense of getting closer, but am not there yet.

This is what I dreamt during the experiment:

04/29/07

I remember talking to someone- a female person I didn't know before now- about...she said, "the preparation to lucid dreaming is always more difficult when..." and I cannot recall the rest. When what? I feel that it could be..."when you want to do it" or "when you plan to do it" or "when you're afraid to do it."

In a later part of the dream...I see beautiful ribbons being untied or untwisted. To me, they seem to symbolize the many beautiful friends I have who are so creative...with ribbons and anything else they can get their hands on.~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~melinda


My dreams have been over the top lately...and in a sense..of course..one of a kind......

One became lucid.....as i was in my backyard.....and like a horror movie....there was a cardboard box....with a body in it......real.....urgh..yet i kept getting closer thinking..is it alive......NOW i become lucid....i start to think about zombie movies...and ha...the body moves...i get caught up in the horror....so run....suddenly the house....back fence is swarmiing with zombies..dead bodies walking....as if enveloping the whole house/yard......i jumped off the back wooden fence into oblivion......woke myself up.

~~~whoa...that must have been disturbing...I have had some lucid nightmare type dreams as well described in my dream journal...and mine caused me to feel like I was going to die somehow and so I would try to wake up and get that sleep paralysis thing which is not fun either in that state of mine...:{

Ha its funny to want to see the subconscious levels work....but its also funny....how such events can still get the (dream) heart racing......like ones own personal movie....

~~~it is crazy and amazing, funny, slightly unnerving and so exciting I often have to do some kind of exercise when I get really into it...like I better go for a walk soon. it is exciting as hell whenever you can work in sync with your subconscious mind...makes things harmonize and conspire for our success. awesome.


This next one is sorta related....maybe happened the following day......

Again i was in my backyard....and for some reason i become lucid......i then can see directly into my lounge room......and Jesus is there....in full white robe.....i found this so facinating....so i jumped intyo the room......the wall was missing i guess.....and so.....he's over near the large side window.....i go over......and for some reason have the urge to play with science....so i jump through the glass......into the yard..then back....then half way through......then i grab onto some aluminium....thats horizontal through the window frame.......then i let go of it...grasp it again..but this time....going staright through it.....with my right hand......i was so taken by it......like a test...
Ha i wish i could tell you what i talked to jesus about after that.....but honestly......if he aint speakin..either am i. Ha....lets just say it was odd. I mean...even when i was there...im thinkin......if i was any which way...religious.....this moment......would ben seen in a whole other light.....it kinda disturbed me....yet at the same time.....made me feel rather comfortable being in the position im in.....being honest with myself. Somehow i had to be grateful for that experience.

~~~whoa...that is something else. looks like your mind is presenting you with religion versus science internal type conflict of some sort. Fun!


PLUS those two came after a dry spell. So that was cool.

Hmm go to....that lucid dreaming group. Made a few posts lately..or is it a couple. Anyhow...it is there....i mention my..night terrors/sleepwalks......very rare at this age of mine..for myself. A good read. But as an experience. Just fucked!

~~~I'm sorry to hear that. perhaps the down side to have an imagination so developed you can still lucid dream "at your age" ...lol.

Today i wrote down the latest freddy krueger dream i had. Interesting. As it goes....nightmares are a great way to get lucid....EXCEPT for the night terror thing....thats where im stuck..and its truly insane. Ha.

haha a dog......quick thought..theres a line in Dumb and Dumber about crossing a bulldog with shitzu....getting bullshit......a while back..my brother..i was with him and some others..came across an old friend. Said he had some pups...bulldog cross shitzu.....we all laughed...bullshit......as a breed.....x.....but the guy didnt get it.....slow poke anyhow.....
Malta..is a county off the coast off Italy. Im sure culturally they are close........althugh im thinkin..... going back many many years.....there were wars fought.....against each other....or maybe in arms..depending how many hundred years one goes back...im thinkin back to ancient greece..and the forming of the roman empire......ha left over glimpse of some university studies

How is the website going? i kow i know..i should check it out now myself......tomorrow morning i will. ha no promises here. But its worth it. So i should.

~~lol~ don't worry about checking it out or not. you are contributing to it, you don't have to check it out, lol. I am in the middle of updating the site at the moment- the entire thing- and finally decided to put the date of the updates on the bottom of all the pages. you can always look at the news page for any and all signficant developments. there are about 50 things I need add to it, but I am working on it even as I write..:P I would like to know more about this school you are going to.


Afraid hey......subconcious level. Really....fear is natural..stress is natural......obviously too much is a bad thing. But we still have instincts....like fight or flight......you have to consider your situation. Like a student. Weigh it all up. Take a step back....view it from a few angles. Cliche...but face it. But dont get held down by theory......as action should have a place.

~~~BINGO- the way to develop creative problem solving skills.

IM THE SAME......without a list.......im nothing! guess what......i still havent gotten around to writing out lists. Low and behold...i drop behind. Gotta change that...and everything points to......having lists to follow. It'll work.

"Probably as far away from where I live as one can get and still be on the planet. I think it is cool how we don't seem to live very different lives at all despite this."

Thats right on there. Perfect. Thats something i get. Glad to have found it.

"-------oh, no - you are turning into a grown up. stop it. stop it right now." where'd that come from???

~~~uhhh...well, a lot of times it get harder to lucid dream the older you get.


"schizophrenia". Damn now i feel bad....i knew i put it down as a sort of generalisation. But i guess that should be seen a cruel.....and way off touch with.....
the way it is. With the facts i have......thats the word i got. Since the gaps between what i actually know..of that situation......its a guess in the dark.

Actually...if im honest..and ha..i will be. in a sense..i still cant deal with that situation. It went away in my mind...but only below the surface...so like a sound wave......it ebbs and flows......a couple of days ago it went on the rise. I just cant help but analyse it. It a book left open. It begs for reason. My guess......is......
she has the answer. Urgh.

ha urgh......i gotta attempt to map it out.....i love your mind....a touch of enlightenment from you....is worth a world. (i should remind you..i feel awkward about talking.....about emotions.linked with the internet) its just odd.

~~~yes, everything about this whole thing is odd, thus the basis for its appeal. :P

Take care.......
sorry if i babbled.....
all i can say is.....
i nthis culture......
its all too common to put ones head down.....
and just go on......(ha not to generalise..which i am)

Goodmorning i guess........to you..
goodnight to me.
Adrian.

p.s.......enlighten me :")
a cat with one whiskered side.

~~~ooo- did I tell you I could do that? hmm...I was probably exaggerating to say the very least.don't worry about babbling and always express yourself- its terribly healthy- goodnight to you, dreamer. you are enlightened.


From: Adrian
Date: May 13, 2007 11:31 PM


Hey there. Im doin fine. Right now...im going through a few albums of music...from people i have just got around to getting into..and others are more...ha well complete unknowns...japanese jazz.....sounds good though. Interesting...and also audio overload...all in all i love it.....


---------whoa...japanese jazz... I am utterly fascinated by that. for some reason. can you give me at least one name?

Ive actually been real relaxed as of late....I start my studies at the end of May...not long at all. A communications degree. Journalism. I want to start working on local projects....a local paper....and actually see about promoting the Arts from the grassroots level.
So...doing this degree will help out for sure. So until i start that.....im carefree...and well.....free. Sorta.
Oh and building a freaking garage out back still. Roof goes up..hopefully next weekend.

-----------congrats to you! I love school of any sort. I am now taking classes at the School of Metaphysics and I love it...truly. That is what my comment was about. It is sort of the closest thing I can find to the school from the Harry Potter movies...Hogwart's....lol. No, but it really is perfect for me. Gives me the metaphysical structure I need- and very much need. My goal is to get back to lucid dreaming and astral projection. I haven't really gotten there yet, but I am recalling my dreams more often and updating my dream journal as a result- which is cool.

Yeah tell me about your dreams. I miss those conversations! Im heading to where you've been i think....maybe to a lesser degree..but studies does or can occupy the mind....hard to adjust....although i will in time.

-----------aye...moi aussi. I miss those conversations, too. I have had some interesting dreams of late, but not really lucid and no real astral projection experiences. I do sort of know why, though. I am just kind of afraid on a subconscious level to keep pursuing it- I think because of that weird seizure thing that happened. Even though the morning after I had this seizure, I successfully projected myself out of my body, I still seem to have this deeply buried fear that only comes out when I really start considering trying it again.

Ha..the past couple of weeks i have denied friends..their time..to spend with me..im either workin out back...or doing something family related.....
But it does remind me..a friends boyfriend..is playing (music) at his university on Wednesday night....in a Band competition....but he's going solo.....so the brave one..should have my support.......cant wait actually.....
even though i asthetically couldnt care for his actual music! Ha what a bind..at best i find he has used technology well.......i can hear the value in his equipment..which equals.....possible growth for him....
So......potential.

----------aww- what a sweet friend you are. That is kind of you to support the renegade. I really need to get back to creating weird electronic music. It is a great energetic release. But I doubt it is any good. At least maybe you would come see me perform if no one else did. hehe. if you didn't live in Australia, I mean. Probably as far away from where I live as one can get and still be on the planet. I think it is cool how we don't seem to live very different lives at all despite this.

Now for sending me an actual message...how'd ya figure it out? Cause a few others have said..they cant send me anything! I wonder why....my assumption is ive been hacked or something......others say..some code..in my profile might have twisted things up.....but since i never touch that stuff...backgrounds etc..im just not sure. Weird stuff indeed.

--------oh, that is something I have seen before. It is the background you are using. It is not quite lined up with where the actual buttons are. So if you click on 'send message' - nothing happens. But if you click sort of below it where nothing is written, you find the button.
It is not lined up quite right. I wonder if it is the same for me.....

My dreams have been..well..gone...
Although two nights in a row last week......
i was in a plane....kinda flying it....but more like a hang-glider with a nmotor....in the open....Second time..the wheels touched power lines..as we lifted off.....kinda freaky......exhilarating.....

-------oh, no - you are turning into a grown up. stop it. stop it right now.

DAMN..my screen is broken...fucking fluro green......ALMOST unbearable.......
THAT and not long ago..i lost a 163 plus page word document! I sorta retrieved it...but i gotta rewrite it all out.....ha...the annoying thing....is hrr.....
Must do wonders for patience.

--------yes, it is weird but I am starting to think of humans as more reliable than machines.

If im on myspace lately..its pretty much been poetry...just reading others work..and writing my own.....Plus some Lucid dreaming talk...but minimal......

Turns out i came across a complete schitzophrenic (sp?) on here....i mean..literally.....two distinct voices....where the change came out of nowhere.....actuyally really freaked me out......

-------*what?* that is crazy. But I should tell you some things about that. This is sort of my field of knowledge. sort of. That is to say...I have worked with a number of people with the diagnoses "schizophrenia". One interesting thing is that the diagnoses itself is under fire. It has been agreed upon by many experts in the mental health field that there is no real mental illness that is schizophrenia. The criteria for diagnosing it doesn't make sense- that is. The word schizophrenia seems to be a catch all term for people who are delusional, hallucinating and not living in reality. But there is little consistency in the diagnosing of these- often these are attributed to bipolar disorder, substance abuse related disorders, borderline, megalomania and many others. So people in the mental health field are really beginning to ask themselves, "what the hell is schizophrenia- really?"

-------Strangely, though, no mental health professional tends to confuse schizophrenia with multiple personality disorder- and yet the public at large almost constantly confuses these. So a person with multiple personalities would not, contrary to popular belief, be diagnosed with schizophrenia. If someone is claiming that they have been, i would question the validity of this. Furthermore, multiple personality disorder is extremely rare and usually the result of extreme psychology/physical and/or tortuous abuse experienced as a child.

As i love to think...or plainly...i just am a thinker.....
and its a situation i analysed.....over and over..with no real answer as to why? Urgh..that was pure frustration....to put it lightly. You know that feeling like......you've wasted good energy on something/someone...for what!? for what? ha thats the frustration. I mean...im open to understanding all kinds of freaks.....for thats the world spinning around.....but damn.....a little warning would be nice. Urgh..just found it troubling. Ever found that? Ha im not even faith based..yet i found myself saying...fuck the internet...if that person can be a sham.....its quite possible anyone on here can be.....and i just dont like that. Ha..i dont get poeple...but maybe thats not unusual.

------NO IT SURE AINT UNUSUAL. I feel the exact same way. ALOT. And more and more these people are requesting to be my friend but just trying to sell me phones and shit. I am so tired of that. It is depressing, isn't it?


-------on the other hand, that is one reason why I like talking to you. I am not good at keeping in touch with people a lot of the time, but I like to keep in touch with you. I think it's because you are proof that not everyone you meet on the internet is a loser, nor a child molester, or a creep, or a prostitute or a salesperson posing as your friend. In fact, I am certain I have told some of my friends about our conversations when talking about the miracle of finding cool people online. ;)

A trip indeed.

------indeed.=

Anyhow..on that....gum of a thought.....
I shall be gone.......cause the green is giving me a headache.....yet i dont have the money for a new monitor!

------I'm sorry about the green. whatever that is. it doesn't sound pleasant.

Actually....i'll find a poem i posted not that long ago..an oldish poem.....with that 'stream of conciousness' type approach....although..in my own peculiar way....BUt i recently went into an australian writers group with it.....
Anyhow......take care.......real glad to hear from you...

-------thank you for the poem! I will post it on the site of course!
******************************

Into the born so soon

(under) stand that is high (standards)
with lips to kiss and tum tum to chase
here is the magic that will wear us down
in nights and day peculiar (we act)
To be like no other but what
(we have learnt) is to be
our fathers and mothers (some ways)
the anger, the hope, the shyness
with a sense of escapism
the child (sweet and kind) will
get free and born to itself
a more (newish) baby boy (girl)
To only see it all (happen) again.
When the time is right (and louder)
He will she will (fix) upon the looks
of another in kind to say
‘will you be my child’s mother?…
will you come out (in) to play?…’

Her fresh words spoke
Like a thousand (and one) times before

Yes yes and yes.

*************************
------Impressed. I love it. It is very flowy and I know few people that can really do that with words...it is almost like you are using them as an instrument. beautifuL.

------hey, is there a School of Metaphysics in Australia? There should be....maybe we can create one. ;)
Take care of you too.
I'll send you those links in a little bit...it will take some time but I will get to it. very behind...but committed to my lists !
the weather here is fabulous....I don't know about you ...but...it is gorgeous and I should probably go out in it. ~~~melinda


a big hug right back to you......
take care....as always...
Adrian.

April 7, 2007
   
 

Gettin turned on......just one basic element of our nature. Pops up everywhere......cause it sells too. Ha im a lover of hating advertising!

--------ahhh yes...and I a hater of lust...and also one who experiences it quite often. Firsthand...secondhand, etc. It is a consistent source of pain in my life.


Oh i always dream of places i've never been.
I'm amazed i don't get lucid more often because of it.....

--------seems like I do too...dreaming of other lives or something...I know I have been there before...I haven't

I've seen some amazing structures.......materials....lines...colour.......etc.
Ha......i wish i had more skill in drawing......and architecture.....

A good example.......Have you seen the movie Logans Run......near the end..a scene is shot at Fort Worth Texas......Water Gardens. When i see that place.....
i feel like ive been there. I feel like i want to return there. An emotional connection i guess. It really is dream like.

I guess id be dreaming more of chrarcters ive never known...more so that places. BUT the amount of wandering we experience to only forget.....is VAST.
So who knows.

I was thinking last night before i went to sleep.

In thinking about Yesterday...how much of it seems like an unconscious event?


--------good Q. For most people, waking life is almost completely an unconscious event. That is why I try to teach people to meditate. I am unconscious alot of the time but not all the time. I cannot stand to be unconscious for too long and in fact my brain has sort gotten into this habit of, like, MANDATORY MEDITATION at times when I am overloaded. I shut down completely and have to meditate - these usually turn into trance experiences that last about 30 minutes.


I wondered about that.......enough to turn on my lamp...and jot it down. I had a night full of dreams.....FULL Last year i saw a chunk of the end of the passion of the Christ. Actually wrote some good old poetry from it..when it was still going through the motions. This year......it was on again......didnt feel a need to write......but.....since i dont connect with any religious based way......i turned jesus into a metaphor......of truth in equality.......it was either find the emotional link.......or turn it off. Couldnt turn it off......powerful stuff. But i went to sleep.......knowing id have intense dreams........and my intent was right......i did. I kept waking up after each one too. Come morning.all i could remember was waking up about 5-6 times. At least for a while there.......i probably held high meanings. Maybe sometimes in forgeting we make ourselves stronger.......ha maybe not......i dont know.
Its always possible. Actually.....i went through a scene not unlike.....just before Jesus gets nailed to the cross......and two men rip away all but the material around his arse..area. That was trippy. Although mine went a step futher and i was completely naked.

Oh unreal people.......im at a loss.......feel like ive had some good ones.......lucid and non.......where i cant help but think..during..or after waking.......i wish i could see them again.......just a good vibe. Especially the ones.....who are strangers........BUT in the dream....are friends. As if forever! No two thoughts about it. I'll think about this one later.....or not...(cause NOT sometimes helps) and see what comes to me.

-----I'll tell you what it makes me think. What seems like a long time ago to us...sometimes...we were between worlds and about to be incarnated...but while we not yet fetuses in the wombs of our mothers about to be born, we were still in that place...that some call heaven...others nirvana....it is a state of mind. But in this place the reigning feeling is that we are all one and we all love each other. Those people in dreams seem to know you because they DO. When we dream, we get a chance to commune with our spirit guides...and other souls we have sort come into contact with...and back comes that feeling that we are all one. We all know each other...we always have....we all love each other too.

Beginning of March is Autumn. Weird..i thought our opposites changed at the same time! Ha......the seasons have some slack in them!!!
--

----oh that is so weird. I cannot imagine my birthday being related to the end of the summer rather than the beginning of the spring! And what about you? what season is it on your birthday?

WE are so polar opposites when it comes to......the astrological.......etc. Astral projection.....etc. Its always weird when i come across people...who are neo-projectionists!......who are like......down your throat.......you cant question it......amazing this hasnt occurred with you........i like that. I love the difference of such things.......yet still making it possible to be fruitful. A positive....is what it is.

Best be off.......gettin a little colder now.......
Almost dinner time........
I'll probably come across you sooner rather than later......i think.........

My intent is strong.......after a while of.....unhealthyness! Back on a more reasonable path.....or at least gettin there.

Take care of yourself.......and child.
Adrian.

Theres nothing quite like a journey around the sun.



melinda
Mar 5, 2007 10:04 PM


wow...that's interesting. It does seem that sometimes a side effect of both meditation and lucid dreaming is getting horny..and the mind naturally turns in that direction. Have you ever dreamt of a place you've never been? the only time I can remember is when I had that dream of the office building...which I had never been to before, but I went to the following day, after I woke up. Oh, perhaps there was another time...now that I think about it...a platform of some kind...circular..beautiful...with terraced circles.
I have been in and out of consciousness, sick and falling into trance naps. what kind of wonderful examples of unreal people show up in your dreams? My dreams are getting more memorable as I go now. adjustments...
with the sun in pisces now everything is completely surreal to me now. It's like this every year- this year being no different. life is blissful at the moment...and when my birthday comes around it will be even more so...March 26- my daughter is March 20. For us, that is the very beginning of spring (March 21) what is it for you?

melinda

03/20/07

I went to bed late. I wanted to be mildly half asleep come morning. So I had about 4 hours to sleep on it. Alarm went off. I ignored it but eventually tendered to it. Hit snooze, about three times. Got up, put some pants on, was warm to hot so I remained shirtless. Took a piss. Noticed my brothers TV had played out a movie long finished, turning the screen to a certain pale of blue. Went out into the dining room and turned the computer on. It would take a few minutes. I had to get on eBay to see and try, to spend as little money as possible on a Cornelius album. A remix album, CM2. So my first wake up call had come at 6am. I was up by 20 past. I thought I may have missed the deadline altogether. Didn’t really mind, as I didn’t have the money to spend anyways. It was just a cool, cheap buy. Whatever naturally works out. I’m with it. As the computer slowly loads up, doing its thing, I go and grab a singlet, its actually cold now. I have adjusted beyond the confines of my bedroom. Its still dark. Just before 7am it gets light. Very faint light for now, practically not there. Even when you tried to look for it.

I get into my eBay account with 2 minutes to spare. In some ways its very typical of me. There’s one other guy or girl who has bid on this item. They probably aren’t up this early. I make my bid with a minute 20 or so to go. I was outbid straight away. I went back with another higher amount. No good. I went for a third but time had run out for this object. It was sold like a piece of meat. I missed out by a dollar, around a bouts. I wasn’t too let down. After all, I could get that album some other time. I had just saved money.

I realise its getting late, I should be going back to bed. I could really sleep to dream I thought. Seemed like a perfect, as perfect can be, chance to have a lucid dream. Time has moved quickly, the light is getting there now. Seems to be right on me. I probably noticed the rays first rather than the actual time. But it was going on 7. As I looked out of the window near my side, at the computer. I noticed that the air was full of insects. Thousands of them. Hundreds of thousands of them. In certain spots, they were busy workin away. Doin what? Keeping everything else stable perhaps. Why there aren’t any birds swooping in to get some food, I don’t know. I guess they’d eventually die on the grass, making for an easy meal. I went over to the kitchen window, to pull up the blind. When mum gets home from work, she can enter a house full of light. Up it goes, and out my eyes stare. Fog. A blanket of fog has arrived. It’s very entertaining. Simple. I hardly get to see it. Just another rainbow on my list. Must be prime time for these insects. They love the moist air. I wonder if there are usually this many about, every early morning that I miss. I’d have to find out. Meanwhile, my stares are lookin into the fog and then into these frenzied bunch. What’s it all about? I better get off to bed. I’m still only half asleep.

I take off my singlet and pants; think about my warm bed, and just how good it will soon feel, to be under inside of it. I turn the fan off. Too cold for that. A little time later I am asleep. I can only attest to this because later on I would wake up…

I am dreaming. Although here in the moment, I wouldn’t know it. The ‘now’ isn’t really debatable right now. I am walking, or on my way, walking towards home. An empty bus appears, he seems to be going my way; I’ll hitch a ride. I get on. We get to talkin. Where can he drop me off? He asks. Hmmm, somewhere near home, I don’t have to go and be taken all the way. It is here I decide to take a shower.
Despite not seeing it, I know there is a shower cubicle on this bus. I let him know of my intention. He seems fine with it. I take off my top and pants. I lay all my clothes down across a seat. All except my pants, I lay them in the seat behind the rest. Neatly. I’m naked I guess. I don’t look down to see my body, but I assume so. I don’t feel abnormal about this at all. I wonder how the shower will go while this huge lump of steel moves. Not too sure about this. In conversation with the driver, as it had never really ceased, I told him a good place to stop, let me shower and then be on my way. He doesn’t mind at all. Kind man. As we’re approaching the last hill before getting towards my homes suburb, I point out to him, that I live in Airds. He must have asked where I was from. He misheard me the first time. I repeat my homes name. He says something. I tell him its home, but really, I’ve always been lost, since birth in fact. I then know what line comes next, as corny as it sounds; I knew it to be true. I’m lost, had been since birth but I’m finding my way home. I’m finding my way home. I tell him where he can stop. College road. That’s where the bus depot is, home isn’t too far from it for me either. It has balance in its place. It’s dark. Seems to be early mornin. I’m close to having that shower, but I get a wild idea in my head, what if this guy wants to oppress me, end me where I stand. This lonesome road is the place to do it. The first half of this road is dark and natural, near the bottom end, is the bus depot, orange lights giving a certain presence. Maybe we should head towards the lights. With a sense of safety.

Out of nowhere the bus is tumbling down this road at such a speed. Seemed wild. The thought of a shower seemed nowhere to be seen now. I was up on top of this bus, right at the back. Without really noticing the bus all that much, I gathered it was now as wide as my shoulders. How peculiar. It would surely tip over on this winding road. It’s still dark. It’s crazy. It’s fun. I can feel the wind on my face. I can see the bushland trees around the edges of the road. But just outlines. Looked amazing. In one direction, one could see the slight edges of a rising sun. Looked beautiful. Meanwhile, will we get to a stopping point on this bus? As crazy as ever. I’m holding on for dear life. I notice some people, maybe three of them. I feel like if we crash now, I’d really look the fool. I just hold on and think I bet you’ve never seen someone do this before. I’m sure they hadn’t. What was I doing?

The next moment, some things changed. We were suddenly in the air. Very gracefully. Like a bird, only much heavier. But we were doing it. Airds wasn’t far away at all. He was going to take me home. Seemed to be flying in circular motions. I dint want him to drop me at home. I wanted to go the last few steps myself. I noticed three people, in my yard. It felt like the bus was coming in for a landing. It was. From west to east, it was heading for the driveway. On descent, something occurred to me.

I let go of the moving bus. I told the driver, I’m just dreaming, so I’m gonna stay up here for a while. He keeps descending. Meanwhile. I’m Lucid Dreaming.

I start by realising that I rarely find myself in the air. I seem to like to do swimming like movements with my arms. Breaststroke I think it is. Feeling the currents of the air. I’m amazed I’m flying. Then I decide to dart around, in a circular motion. Clockwise. Fairly fast speed here. With speed, I adopt the superman pose, one fist up in front of me. What a trip. I know I could go anywhere I want to. Even the stars themselves could have a visit. At times I go in low, real low, other times; I do something or other, and am gaining in height again. I could do this for hours upon hours. Maybe forever. Ok, maybe not forever. I know these moments have to end. I notice that those 3 people are still in my yard. Just inside the back gates. I go down and land. On my feet too…

I land near them. Everything is so very clear. Two girls and a guy. Some talking occurs. Meanwhile I’m standing there thinking, these people are very stable for dream characters. The guy was an old memory from my school days. The two girls, well the one I was lookin at, she was definitely only a dream character. Couldn’t believe she didn’t exist beyond this moment. She was beautiful. Like a more plump lookin Maggie Gyllenhaal. I sensed these people hadn’t a clue as their own position amongst it all. I didn’t like that. We all make a move towards the back gate, which is literally right behind me, we’d venture into the front yard. But first. I reach over to this girl, possibly putting a hand on her neck, softly, and give a one off open mouthed kiss. No tongue. Just a soft kiss on the lips. I stopped and made my way out from the back to the front, with Simon. The girls behind us spoke. Between themselves. The one who hadn’t been kissed, the one I never really did see spoke with surprise. At what had just occurred. It was amazing. For I never do get the girl. Ever. This time. I took the chance. Glad I did. So was she. Although she was still unconscious. Had to be I guess. Although I didn’t like it that way one bit. She seemed too real, so real. Oh and the kiss felt like gold by the way.

So I attempt to tell Simon of his dream state. He doesn’t believe me, which is all too typical. No one wants to believe they’re merely a dream being dreamed by another. Can’t blame him. But I can try. I begin to tell him to choose a number. Pick one, and when I next see you, I’ll ask for it. If you are awake right now, you’ll have the answer, if not, you would have been a dream. It did seem logical at the time. He was holding something in his hands. He would now, at that later point, name the object he’s now holding with a number of his choice. Yeah real logical. (So illogical in fact, that I at no point in this lucid dream, questioned the past. Which is a little disturbing. I had no debate for it. I was only aware of the ‘now’).

It seemed we were now walkin away from my home. Down the blackened road. In trying to convince him. I had wasted some time. I started to feel a loss. Slowly I could feel my body in bed. I couldn’t trick myself to stay in the dream. I opened my eyes. With not a single brake in consciousness.

I felt pleased. A touch of longing, to get back and talk with these 3 people. But with no shame. What can I do!?!

I check the time. Then close my eyes. I make out all that had just happened. Made it stay clear and put. So I could write it down from memory. The memory of the actual experience, the memory of thinking in retrospect. Makes it all stay solid. Instead of drifting into mild outlines of mild ways and objects. Rather I wrote what I did above and get it to you that way. It was a pleasure to write about it. I loved its vibe.

Although I still wonder about…the lack of questions for the past. At one point in there, in the backyard, lucid as can be. I told the 3 about the bus ride. Like I said, I had no time to debate the past. I was aware of the ‘now’ and the past was what ever happened to occur. As crazy as that bus trip was…


From: melinda
Date: Mar 12, 2007 2:24 PM

ummm...yeah?


From: Adrian
Date: Mar 10, 2007 5:46 PM

if i had a scratch
would you itch it?

 


Mar 5, 2007 9:50 PM

Havent i replied to this letter of yours! I will soon......
but just had a dream thats worth sharing......Enjoy.
How are you by the way? Hope your doin fine :)

I was near my back fence......around the side......actually.......and i was standing up on it.....
there was a tractor cutting the grass in the field near my house......and i realise im dreaming.......i wonder..what should i do......i think...should i go lay under the tractor and its cutting device it drags along........(fucking crazy) i decide not to......i decide to jump off the fence..wooden fence.....and run down my street...i do.......i know i can run REALLY fast......so i do......NOW the street MY street..looks stable and normal lookin.......YET despite my speed.....it takes ages to reach the bottom of my street.........as im running........i consider if i should morph into Che......
as i think this......(i cant describe it properly) but i feel as if my head has..become elongated.....kinda like a triangular....pyramid...with the point being whats at the very front.......it feels odd.......and i decide id rather just stay as myself...............i get to the bottom of the street.....i then cross the road..and go onto that pathway...bicycle pathway (that ive mentioned before in a dream..as it actually is near my place) Everything is clear.......and soooo stable.......i feel fine.....what to do.......i decide to go to my friend jenny's place..to the left.....i want to fool around.....since its stable....in its realness of my ordinary waking life.....i think...jens house wil be there......so will she......(despite knowing in the moment..she's actually in europe!) (i have a hard time getting unreal people to show up in dreams....i'll tell you some wonderful examples some time soon......kinda interesting...) So i run down towards her place.....on this pathway......just before one gets to her place..is a gully.......a small riverbed.....DRY....mostly..with a smallish bridge over it.....as i cross it.......i notice a line of kids.....about 5.....and their slightl;y older.....than some younger kids....and they are being bullys to the littler ones.....old ones..maybe 10......the others..maybe 7-8.......but their really pushing the younger ones..close to the edge of this bridge......
This is where i kinda get side tracked (not to mention the already present want to fool around!) So i yel out to the kids......and throw a rock.....near them.....and tell them to stop hassling the smaller ones......i seem overbearing in this case.......which is good....its worked....i go over to jens house......family home......i wonder......i go over..open the front door......jens mum is there....i say hi......we smile.....i walk futher in.....i see her older sister......say hi....all smiles......i see her dad......say hi.....i actually used their names in my hellos......i go to jens room.......just before i open the door..i think about how she's in europe.......as if my fingers are crossed.......I open the door.......and there she is......so cool. I stand in one corner.....and she appears to be trying on a whole bunch of clothes..dresses.......just tonnes of the stuff.......her closet is so full.......i notice some breasts......although it was odd.......i couldnt tell with my eyes..if i was seeing them as they naturally sat there in front of me...or if they were underneath some thin cotton material!!!! It pretty much ends there.......i open my eyes in bed........and im a little taken back at the sudden transition.......i must of got too involved in the situation!!! I smiled though......its when i try the least to be lucid......when i let go the most...it comes along......that feeling of being centred. Whatever that means.

From: melinda
Date: Feb 10, 2007 10:35 PM


oops...sorry about that. I sent something by accident :P
very interesting dream...I think the golden light and tornadoes have some kind of energetic quality- do you? or is that what you had said you didn't believe? lol... I can't remember.
I have been having slightly more vivid dreams and trance naps but no actual lucid dreams of late- but I have been under some stress for a while now. I am starting to get better and better and working full time and things finally making sense.
I have weird dreams with unrecognized dream characters...but emotional situations and scenarios that reflect either the present- from a different angle or the future. I am going to assign myself to do some affirmations before bed to intend to manifest it...didn't you discuss intention..as golden light?
it is true...very much so... in my opinion...for everyone.
though you definitely have a talent for actually seeing and perceiving it!
namaste~~~melinda

*********************************

Whoa.....

its 1:58pm.......

I went to lay down Bout 12pm.....well i played a game..computer game..playstation...got bored.....read a bit..wrote a bit.....read some more......got bored.....layed down to....derift into some fantasy land..........

i feel asleep......

this dream was unconcious.......for now......
and i cant recall it all......but near its end point.......
i walk out to my backyard......where my friend (dream character i dont recogonise) and Sarah Silverman....

(do you know her..american comediane?.....i came across her properly....on some..jay leno and conan recently.....realised she does crank yankers too.....and so instantly....loved her style.....ha.....i use the same method....meaning.....you say things...but you dont lunge out with some outrageous character to say things.....and so you incorporate them into your self.....so saying ceratin things..with a normal voice.....
so people are off balance.....i do it..cause i love it.....also because im shy....ha....and if you say something 'hilarious' with a normal voice......either people get it and laugh.....or they dont laugh...and you cant be accussed of telling a bad joke! Ha nobody gets hurt! So she does that too......ha i must have an afinity with her.....haha plus she's very very attractive. Cant hurt. She reminds me of an old comic named Lenny Bruce. Such a conversational tone....rather than the dull......tell a joke line.....audience laughs.....blahblahblah.....conversational tones....yeah!
KNow of her..check her out? Hot right! But i mean..her comedic side!!

Ok....so her and some made up dream friend are out back.....playing a game....possibly drunk.......
Where they both hold their fists up.....and she sneekingly punches foward....while he sorta blocks her..with his hands (odd dream game) So they're facing each other.....real close.....i think im jealous!! So me..mr third wheel comes in.....with high energy......
i mean.....the moment has me.......IM the life of this moment..party.....So i ask.....how long have you been playing for?.....they have this deadpan look on their faces.....as if they're not even there.....i say.....Dont tell me you've been at it for 20 minutes.......then i laugh...and say...i kinda hope you say 20 -30 minutes.......cause that THAT would be hilarious....(because of how dull this game is)......They dont show any real emotion. She is lookin good though.

hen i start to think.......that this is a dream......but it doesnt seem solid........i need to do something...to make the experience.....more solid.....for my mind to carry on.......I decide to.....sit down and cross my legs.......I do...ha..such large lanky legs too! real absurd lookin.....im wearing shorts...again..i see hair on my legs..and my knees.....its sorta rough getting them completely crossed.....i look up......and as if all the houses past the backyard was gone.....i could see the bushland.......a strip of it..horizontally across a large amount of low lyeing sky. Then......as my mind wants to be solid......i start to think of Buddhism......and what i had been reading in my books.......suddenly.....starting from right..then working its way to the left.....the bushland in the horizon......lit up into the most spectacular golden light.......whosh....
like some wonderful flame........then it did it again....from right to left.......it was amazing........
I then considered death. I felt like it could have been it. BUT my strongest thought was........that golden light seemingly exploding.....was a direct link to my intent. It was literally my intent.......i was seeing/feeling.......I had willingly made my situation......solid. Despite the chaos.......my intent was strong. It was here....that i also realised.....somewhere in a previous dream....i was lucid......but lost it......i was amazed at this......and literally thought......shit.....this is the best proof yet..that we are doing concsious things in our sleep.....
yet in such cases...we mostly just forget them!!!! this is so crazy.....when one thinks about it.

Then oddly enough......my focus has changed slightly...
I think about Sarah Silverman......damn..so fine she was.......but she's long gone. I decide....i'll get her back.......ha.id love a kiss......So with my solid intent.......I cross my legs....and look down.....(with the golden light i sorta stepped back/jumped back...it was that amazing) So then i open them.....and its all pretty hectic......i mean..visually things are everywhere........like in the middle of a tornado! But there is a body laying behind me......i know that its my intent that will give me sarah silvermans face.....so i felt sure of it....crawled over....lifted the face and it was!!! but instead of a kiss.......she grabbs me.....and sorta on the spot...we start rolling in an embrace......
all the visuals are wild.....like the tornado effect.....
im losing it......our faces are close....but nothing more than this rolling hug takes place.

I wake up......rather quite easily. I put my hand on my pulse (on my neck) and its racing.....i start to think about how.....as soon as we wake from a lucid dream....we can have a feeling like.....our waking life is still very present.....in slight ways. So i feel a need to adjust and wake up properly. I think about getting up and writtingto you. Gotta tell Tia. I take some deep breaths.......and close my eyes....open them..and repeat a few times.......each time im on my side....looking out at my record player......

THEN i actually open my eyes....and NOW im awake.
Damn those false awakenings!!! It felt like i was really awake..despite the high pulse etc. Ha the things we believe in our dreams. I lay and recount what just happened. I havent had that golden light....or similar to it..for many many years. So here i am..NOW im writting to you.

So i awoke sometime approaching 2pm.

An afternoon nap..leading to a lucid dream. Rare for me.
BUT like i said. Reading those buddhist texts.....my intent was inspired.

Basically......there are three states......that correspond to the buddhists way...

they have......death....intermediate state...rebirth.....
and to practice in our actual lives........they can correspond to something we already experience....in a certain sense....

that is.....deep sleep......dreaming......and awakening.
so...........death...........intermediate.........rebirth....

Tia...i'll look later to make sure i got these buddhist bits 100% correct...from memory...they seem to be right.

I sorta felt also..during the golden light bit.....that....that horizon of light.....was my representation......of something beyond the lucid dream.....oh its hard to explain......sorry. It was amazing though. Damn my intent was good. BUT thats the thing......like we can look back at past experiences.....i can connect with that feeling of intent. Kinda like cultivating....something of importance.
Thats a buddhist way...they say..if one can practice....
the way..during sleep.....they'll have a great chance at cultivating.....such a pathway.

*************************************

Ok..later. Hope your doin fine.
Lots a love,
adrian.


From: melinda
Date: Jan 25, 2007 7:45 PM


sorry for me responding late...I was ill for a little bit and very lazy. But I loved your dream message...as always they fascinating- whether you write them to Tia or I... I enjoy them.

It's interesting too how Che is a recurring character in your dream world...I am wondering if Che is aware of it...:) animals seem to be able to tap into that dimension sometimes...

and what do I think of Tia's thought? I would say that I agree in that I think people who are lucid dream are those whom are always somewhat conscious...therefore in waking life they are probably thinkers (some may even be insomniacs) and conscious of themselves to an unusual degree as well- in waking life that is. so the conscious mind is able to penetrate the subconscious and it's LUCID DREAM TIME...- in your words, lol....;)

I think the opposite is happening...I feel like I am dreaming in waking life-- dreaming all the time but not really remembering my dreams at night. I have only been sleeping around 6 hours a night -I think that is why.

anyway- so glad you are silently happy- that sounds like a nice feeling.....dream sweetly* ~~~melinda


From: Adrian
Date: Jan 18, 2007 7:12 PM


I wrote this to a friend named Tia......had to send it your way.......just lettin you know.....it was written to Tia....BUT 99% could be read by anyone. Your not anyone..so especially you. Enjoy. :) Hope you doin fine.


Had a wild yet very very stable lucid dream.....maybe wild doesnt even count......i woke at 8:15am.....
and ha....its daylight...so i can find the computer rather easily! and so...had to write to you. Half asleep mind you....not a bad feeling....kinda seriously feels dreamlike! my eyes are hazey.....and i think im internally smiling.

A glass of orange juice pulp and all.....is a weird morning taste in its way. The aftertaste i mean....

Ok so anything that comes up inside a bracket is me with an afterthought to the actual dream....anything outside of the bracket is what was happening from my perspective during the dream.

Ok...so one dream im in....is going on for some time.......
im riding through traffic in some city.....lookin at the road signs and cars and traffic....its fairly busy.

Im doing this for ages.....then eventually im heading home......to my mothers place.......before im there....
theres a shop front....and a huge black dude....with a handgun......i think he's gonna use it.....i just go straight for my mums place.....i open the door.....
and everything is just dirty and unclean and everywhere.....she's about the place somewhere..i can hear her....but not see her.....the place is a REAL mess......i mean the sink is full of....junk!
(in retrospect....this wasnt my mums house.....and at some point i did see my mum...but it wasnt even her! it was some short fat lady!)

Its around about now.....it just clicks......im dreaming. LUCID DREAMING TIME
No need to check for any signs to make sure....i can remember everything thats just happened. I am dreaming. Im glad....cause i know its been a while....
i make my way up the stairs....carpeted stairs.....and felt good about my position......i get to the top....thinkin at first.....maybe i can see about getting some girl to appear up in one of the bedrooms....that sounds like a good idea......but i thought about it some more.....and i really didnt want to waste my time.
I felt stable with time.....but it can always go at any time.

I turn around and kinda make my way down the stairs.....but then with one hand..my left hand on the rail....i decide i'll jump down.....in typical exaggerated dream fashion...i do..and its cool......i walk out the door........and im on the street.......

suddenly that black dude is still there.....
he starts loading his gun.....old thick silver hand gun......it kinda disturbs me....cause i know.....
he's gonna shoot me.....damn.....i better walk away....so at least these dream bullets dont have to come at my face! he's talking....im trying to ignore him......he seems to shot me in the back of my head a couple of times.......

i close my eyes arfter i hear the last bang.....
Im now NOW in my real home....but dream home....
im in the living room. EVERYTHING is real stable.....
lookin so so real......i feel great........i think about you! Im thinkin about Tia.....and how she had been waking up and recalling her lucid dreams....meanwhile i had the problem where i thought i was having them and merely not recalling them....so i made the effort then.....that recalling this event.....was now in my mind.....so i was safe there......then in thinking about you......i kinda laughed......and so i held out my hand to the dining room wall.......POW POW.......POW i said.......hand shaped like a gun........hahaha but to end.....i couldnt get my hand as a gun to work......and i found it so fun and hilarious that i made the sounds of POW...while aiming at the wall! I wondered about thinking about you in the state as well......thats a first i think.....(now im thinking....yeah it was a first....as maybe other times....outside influences and ponderings inside are of concepts and situations.....i dont think an actual person....has been thought upon in that state before)

Its around about now..i wonder......should i try and get a dream version of you to appear....!!! i thought you'd really flip if i cam back with a story of hanging out with you in a dream! but my skills of clicking my fingers and doing that..are so limited.....things are just so stable.......so POW and actually getting a zapping light bullet or something....and then getting Tia into this event....ha its just going beyond stable!

Never mind i think......i go out the front door into the street.......I start to run down the street.......at a fairly fast speed......kinda unatural.....plus the street seems to be like one of those running exercise machines.....
no matter how fast i was going i wasnt getting too far.....although it still seemed like i was.......

as i was running on two feet......i pondered how before in other lucid dreams....i have become Che....this time i wondered.....lucidly if i could purposely shift myself into his body........and so on the darkened tar road....i resolve to kep running at this really fast speed.....
but keep going.....and eventually i'll lean foward and see about getting my hands on the ground in front of me.....and then see about naturally getting them to change into paws........!!!! (i know.)

Im now running at such a speed yet oddly still in my street...that everythins a blur....except the road beneath my eyes.

Then an old slightly a friend...from my highschool days.....comes from behind.......and i sense he's just here to annoy me.....I stop running.....im now casually walking down the street.......this guy is buggin me......
its john (a guy who actually died back in those days....
which was kinda weird cause his character in the lucid dream....was a prick....and he was really like that in person....a short annoying person...at times)
He appears to live in a house down the bottom of the street.......im getting caught up with being annoyed by him......that i start picking up rocks....and one by one.....i aim and throw.......second time..i get him.....the rest is nothin......he goes around the back of his place and he's gone......although overall.....i picked up....3 rocks.....one before each throw.....and each rock was different....so different....the weight of each one....the feel.....the shape.....real delicate in many ways......gave me some wonder......and i felt like i was back on track to do........hmmmm whatever i wanted.

(so remember.....overal i really dont feel too inclined to control it ALL)

so i get down the bottom of my dream street......
and cross the road. Theres some firetrucks to the right....i see them.Then....over to the cycling path....
that goes left....and right.......

My friend Jenny lives just down to the left......maybe i should go to her dream house.....and visit dream jenny.....(my lack of wanting to control..means....situations that are naturally around beyond the lucid dream....are easier to come about and let unfold.....i could be fairly sure.....her dream house would be where the real deal is....same for her)

But i dont know.......i kinda still like the Che idea.....
or even just running real fast over the land......
id like that. I think about whats right.......to the right side.....and know its got some fairly straight roads....through some bushland........perfect to run like its impossible otherwise.......

So i turn my body and face the direction i want to go...
as i stand on this cycling path. I now can feel something peculiar........the wind. Theres a light breeze......and it feels amazing......so amazing..i decide..the best i can get from it all.......is to sit where i am.......and meditate (mind you.....im not religious....and meditation.....is just my way of saying..im trying to be as centred as possible....ha not that i can fully explain what 'centred' means!)

So i sit down.......cross my legs.....im wearing shorts....i can see some hair on my legs........
I feel comfortable...BUT im now facing back the other way....to the left......and the breeze is coming straight at me......it seems to put me off.......i cant concentrate.....i shift.....and face back to the right.....
and so my back....diverts the wind....from my face.....
and i can feel it on the backs of my arms.......

IT REALLY DOES FEEL AMAZING
this breeze is a firt for myself.......i know this..and so i really take it in.

I am still sitting......i recount how.......im in a lucid dream.....and when i wanted to run down the right side of this path......i pictured the bushland and whatnot.......i basically had a vision within a vision.....
a dream within a dream....

(ha..if one was to put it literally....taking our non dreaming life and calling that a dream!..id have been....dreaming within a dream within a dream......
shit thats a crazy thought.....that kinda makes sense!)

So im relaxed and stable......
No bugs to bug me........just me and the breeze......
truly..a first........i feel comfort..........

THEN.......in that particular time....i thought back to how....if i really do just meditate on my position.....
id surely loose consciousness and eventually wake up......

BUT....out of nowhere......my right arm......has a great pressure within it......Hmmmm.....stuff meditation......
my arm! my right arm.......is.....tingly...and numb......

I start to lose.....my dream status! im still very very lucid......BUT now im waking up......slowly..ever so slowly.......i go from sitting on that path.....to standing.....to laying in my bed...slowly waking up.....
i can feel my right hand......with the same sensations as before....but now i am merely (ha merely) laying in bed.......and im laying on my stomach.....with my right hand...pressed under my upper body!!!!!!

Ahhhh pins and needles...woke me up......half asleep......i wondered.....wow...its very common to find me sleeping on my stomach.......but im sure most lucid dream mornings.....after i awake and go back to sleep....i am on my back......im so glad i got lucid..on my stomach......it was comfortable......

but damn the pins and needles.......i really didnt need that........half asleep.......i felt rather happy......and i sorta let my right arm recoup....and get on back to normal......

i looked for the time.....around 8:15........daylight!

I remebered.......everything of what had just happened.....knew the best thing i could do.......or want to do......was write to you and let you know....
about it all.......

I do believe now though......that i have surely missed some things......but they are to sketchy.....and im not sure where exactly they fit.....no matter how minor or major they are!...........
Also i can now recollect...the dream......before i went roaming in the city at the start.......

but its hardly worth a mention......
quickly it had me at my place..........
the only one on a pill (exstacy..sp?) and so...
it stood out in that respect....as in....on drugs..in a dream........thats worth pointing out.....getting any kind of drug high in a dream......is so peculiar.......
so it shows....a person.....what the mind has gotten from thoughts and experiences previous to the dream.....and i gotta be honest......it matches up rather quite well.....it felt amazing!!!

Hmmmm wow hey........not a bad recall.......of a dream.....i've done better.
But as usual.......this lucid dream stands on its own so very well.

Glad/happy to share it with you.
Im silently happy inside.

:)

take care
adrian.

From: Adrian...some unspecified time...

"I have so many racing thoughts before i go to bed and i never focus. on sleeping. maybe thats why i get so many lucid dreams....."

thats what this lovely girl by the name of Tia wrote.
i couldnt believe it when i read it. that is one interesting thought she had..and im so glad she passed it on.....

im the same as her....putting my head to the pillow....
a majority of my time...isnt about sleeping....im wide awake...im already lucid.....and the quietness of laying in bed..is prime opportunity to recount past events....and consider things..anything....the days events....something from years ago....maybe project into the future...maybe fantasize.....et cetera....
for me this..with her comment in mind.....makes me think....
she has a good point.......if one is not concentrating on merely sleeping.....but rather..is alive mentally.....that has to mean something..when it comes to lucid dreams.....somehow it must. I mean...sure the drawbacks might be....insomnia to some extent......
but if ones head hits the pillow and maintains an active mind....with thought.

Maybe this is something that might.....give..if only partially..a reason why some....seemingly get lucid dreams naturally.

At the least its an interesting sleeping pattern....
and is worth studying i think.

Ok...i'll be off.......what do you think about this thought of hers....and what ive added? what do you think?



Oct 15 2006 1:18 AM

there is an untimely feeling
thats with me
between the here and now
it moves like my partner
in waltz



you know what......i think, when i write..it could be classified as....Stream of Conciousness. Ha, i came across it in Wikipedia....and it probably comes closer to my writings than auto-writing. Above is an example. Then again..couldnt such a writing be classed as both!?


Hmmm......maybe im just a scientist in life. I observe, experience.....and do it all again.....i refine. I think....i write, i play, i love, i (enter unsound feelings here), i get along, i age, i .....

Science and lucid dreaming...has come together before and still it goes on..more needs to be known.
Its funny that you say im either relating or not relating to the seventh chakra.....thats me......ha, either im god or im godless, maybe im both.....who really knows, im yet to see the evidence!

i probably only know a few things.....i believe strongly in the individual......i believe liberation of the individual is of great importance......i believe human beings are naturally social beings....so community is also of great importance. Another human being cannot use any force on another unless ones self is being attacked. All very simplistic......but for me...tends to stand up very well.

I dont know. Im an athiest. Which in itself can be a fairly broad term. Ha, thertes a part of me that doesnt want to be an athiest either....

i mean....to give an example....
some conclude that we are all born athiests......religion and god has no place during the start.
Others came out and said this is wrong.....a new born child has no concept of god.....therefore....they are unable to reject a god....therefore..they cant be athiest when born.....
Interesting......but i kinda have a dislike when things get muddled.....when the intellectual community....undermines subject matter.....with meaningless things......most subjects of the world....should be able to be put foward to the extent where an 8 year old can understand the subject matter. Ha, i still dont know....im probably waffling on. Im curious now...to see how your every day life with its changes....shape up in your dreams.
So dream on without reluctance.
Take care
adrian............x


a few years back...i read about.....someone saying that one can think too much. It caught me..i had never heard that before......was this person correct....surely one can think as much as one wants........
That person was indeed right......a person can think too much. Id like to think im all the better for finding that point out on my own journey. It helped me find my centre. Just a thought.

goodnight.

im doin fine by the way.

 

Oct 13 2006 6:12 PM

a curiosity



it just hit me.......
i probably am wrong..but
i think im a rare one........ha in the case....
that im an athiest who lucid dreams.
I just came across this thought..despite it laying around for quite some time.......
I actually cant think of one example where a lucid dreamer hasnt referenced a 'soul'........
i guess so be it. I think i just had a moment..where i actually found it hard to relate.....
if that makes any sense.

 

:


Yeah awakenings..such as to a phone....dreamus interuptus....how can anyone not have a dislike for that...hmm although....if it happens once....a hour before you are supposed to get up..that could maybe be alright. But nothings perfect.

Ha..i cant believe i jumped through the television....it was living surreal. Oh with violet colour....i was curious as to what you get from that. So tell me about what you get from my violet coloured dreamness. Please. The relative thing....yeah its significant to me. BUT...in this way....my nan...my dads mum....is dead. From my...what some would call thoughts on athiesm....there is really only one way i could ever encounter my nan again...and thats in my mind. NOW pretty much right until she came about in my lucid dream....i thought this one way..really only came about through memories...bringing up past events. So during the dream experience and after.....it became obvious...the lucid dream with a dead relative...a dead anyone...is the closest a person..or at least i..can get to them. My nan..I would say....came from my subconcious. Maybe thats where we differ....for me....she wasnt independant of me....but merely a reflection within me.....although she did appear to be completely independant of me.....this is what id call the subconcious. Ha..that makes sense write in words...looks muddled. Overall..the significance of such a dream.......completely amazing. In a sense....i got to physically/mentally....be around my nan..if only for a brief time...again. What that gave me..was a feeling of being fortunate.

Ahhh but even losing touch with that friend of yours....
thats like a minor....equivelant to a death in itself. Smaller scale....but still meaningful.....your dream i think...shows this.
ALSO....i did point it out in that nanna dream right!?
about how i asked her to bring about 2 old dead friends....even though i was lucid at the time....upon waking...and still remembering what i asked her to do.....i realised....one friend actually is dead....BUT the other one is still alive....well..he left..abruptly the same year as my other friends death. So both physically...left MY world..abruptly.
So i do think there would have to be great importance in that friend dream you had. Losing touch seems to be an important factor....that can easily stick around.

ha..now what else was in that other letter!
take it easy
adrian.


From: melinda
Date: Nov 4 2006 3:48 PM


wow....there are many interesting parts to this dream experience. first off, I know how futile it is to try to dream lucidly...it works against you when you try too hard...much like having an orgasm or trying too hard to fall asleep. I think this may be part of my problem...of late. I have been wakened by the phone several times in the last few weeks and I try to piece the dreams together but they seem pretty random and I have been forgetting them. I need to start writing them down again.
I cannot beleive you sort of jumped through a television and into Akira Kurosawa's dream space- that is totally f***** up...I am definitely going have to put that on the website. that is wild.
And another reference to the violet color - although I know that you don't really believe in the chakras and all of that...that is pretty significant to me. the violet color marks a doorway for certain- in the minds of chakra- believers. do you think there is any significance to seeing a departed relative in your dreams? that is, do you think you are communicating in some way?

I remember dreaming of an old friend from school who caused me a lot of problems. She didn't mean to, I think, at all, but she created a world of controversy and drama for me. In my dream she appeared to me and said, "I'm sorry." I don't know why that comes to mind...not really sure...she is not dead or anything. I just lost touch with her.

I hope all is well with you.I have another message from you to read so I better get to it! I will talk to you soon...

~~~~melinda~~~~

Date: Oct 25 2006 9:44 PM


it seems sometimes it comes about...that my lucid dreaming....comes about when i just get over the edge..of realising....that trying to lucid dream..can be sooo counter productive for me....and so when i let go...i may even write down my thoughts on it....describing..how its been many days since my last lucid dream......it gives me a certain kind of ache....but in that moment...i know that in some significant way..i give up....i cant explain it properly....but this giving up....in my mind....gets me lucid dreaming. So come the next morning..or a few days later....it occurrs.

This thoughts happened again last night, and so i did indeed have a lucid dream this morning.

I woke up around 6-7 in the morning.....went back to sleep..i seemed a little hot and bothered.....
I went into some unconcious dreaming....that was great...with details....and subject matter.....everything was pasted together.....so a bunch of environments and situations....that in my ordinary waking life....fit nicely on their own....were overlapped and exaggerated.
Within it.....i ended up at my house......and i need of a shower.......now i dont remember getting wet....i cant account for any water....no real bathroom...i think i had a towel though....and despite the facts..it felt like i was in a bathroom......i walk out.....and theirs an auntie of mine...who i havent seen in ten years....despite a sort of recent funeral....her face is the same....but her hair..is completely different...platinum blonde..bobcut. I found it so peculiar.....she was with my dad....and she was talking about how she sent my dad some money meant for me...I get taken over by whats going on around the rest of the house......people are drinking from glasses.....looks like scotch glasses....with possibly berr inside. I grab one.....from a silver plate...i think a servant was holding it....and proceeded for a group of people i could see..in a grand...lounge room. They were standing in a small circle.....i see a cousin..i hadnt seen her in ten or so years.....we make eye contact....and both go in for a warm hug....it has been so long. Weird though....ive aged.....time has passed....but her face hasnt.......she is only slightly younger than i....so maybe she should have been around the age of 21. But she had the face of a 11year old....it baffled me..but i was soo happy to see her....i forgot this point....I did also feel nervous.....i usually turn up to things late...and so coming out of the shower...i felt like....i was the last to be introduced to the others....there is a beautiful girl standing amongst us.....i move away quickly...and get another glass of alcohol...i turn back....everyone..but this beautiful person/girl is standing there....a chance of something....i think her arm is now around me.....but she smoothly moves away into thin air. I look around the room......its a warm room..in its look.........still looking grand.......
NOW i see a television.......something is playing on it......and out of seemingly nowhere i comes upon me...im dreaming......i look at the television....i feel the need to have Akira Kurosawa's Dreams on it.....(a movie of a collection of this directors dreams...) i wanted his last dream on the screen....i wanted to show the others in the room this....I came on the screen....and i was amazed....it felt good. BUt i decided..or my mind rested on the lucidity of the events and where i was......so i went over to the television....and to really show the others it was indeed a wonderful dream....i jumped into the television...into the scene that was playing...set in a rural japanese village..a beautiful setting....but i mainly turned around after i jumped in...and looked out and back at the people in the room....It felt a little strange...as if..some kind of film seperated the room..from being inside the television...film..that also came across as energy. I jumped back out...and was in the room again. The people around could care less....this was obvious....but my concious mind didnt worry....that aspect..was unimportant.....So i bent down to the television.....and with some wonder in my mind....i thrust just my head through the television......the energy feels weird..and good......and i started to think a little.....i removed my head from inside the television......when my head was in there...it did transport me back to the movie that was playing...and so...the loungeroom disappeared altogether for that moments time. Ok, so ouside the television....things started to come together...energy wise...and so now..i merely put just my hand through the television....fast..then slowly....then...i decided i that it wasnt just the screen which was bendable...so i swiped my hands/arms..through the whole object that was the television......by now..the screen is nothing but static.....and when seeing my arms go through it....the energy was of a voilet colour...intense. I swiped my hands/arms around through the television...while i ponderd this.....than i started getting bigger thoughts...i stood up...and walked towards the dining room....which appeared to be my dining room at home....nothing grand....i see my little sister coming through the doorway...passing me....as she does....i swipe my hand right through her body.....i take in the thoughts of the situation.......its all an illusion..not just the television....but people....my walking....the ground....this dream....i seem to fall.....then it goes into blackness.....something has me....I open my eyes..im laying in bed......the alarm on my phone is buzzing......argh......So upon awaking in bed....i felt annoyed..because....i couldve stayed longer in the a lucid dreaming state...if not for the damn phon going off.

Just that wonderment....with slight fear...of the illusion aspect..that grew within.....starting with the television..ending up..by logic....being a part of everything.....


 

food for thought found in an empty tin can...

Oct 10 2006 8:56 PM

 


Listening to some Leonard Cohen.....burnt one of my dads discs. Made me wonder, i havent ever seen footage of him performing his music....my dad has a dvd of such a thing....i'll have to grab a copy next time im up there.

Basically, the hard work is great. I put it down to the firm basis that its work for ones self. So the improvements going on come together and...the end product....well something..without doubt is gained.

The sounds.......at first i was wondering what you were talking about! you mean..the melody of cascading type sounds..flowing with perfect placements....then it was just the phone ringing at home?
Well it was a normal dream that happened to be the last one before awaking. The beautiful sounds......were a representation of what was entering my ears..from the outside. Just another way of showing/telling..of how outside influences can enter and take shape within a dream. It is a pity the phone doesnt actually sound that good. It was aweird shock to find the dull sounds of the phone upon waking.

I definately get the vibrations thing going on..when going from awake...to awake/asleep/lucid...its weird..when in that half state.....the physical body becomes numb....and the vibrations kick in.....i mean...this must happen every single time we go to sleep........whether one is aware or not....its an interesting thought that.

What got me..was my definate distinction......it wasnt a person changing gender...it was merely some additional hair.

Dreams are weird. Not too long ago..i was wondering to myself....imagining...a world that has no such thing as a dreamworld. Imagine our world minus the concept..the everything that is a dream. Insane. How crucial is it to our beings......? we cant live without them! i wonder...has anyone in the world..ever not had a dream......doubtful right....?

Yeah..i call it my centre.....but its really hard to put into words...it just seems like..centre fits best...but probably not enough.
Thats right......we all approach it differently....yet if it is gained...the lucid dream experience....we have a certain meeting place. So how does each one of us come into it.....? persoanlly.......with little doubt.....after finishing up my studies....i had..slightly still having.....a jobless position in the world.....unemployment is unhealthy....physically and mentally.....it drains probably like no other.....it has given me the opportunity to do the things i love (within means) ..so i..for the past few years have had the 'unhealthy' privelage to pick up books i want to read....play music i want to listen to....actually play an instrument.......its all in a very greedy way aswell. I mean..ive had the chance to fulfill my wants......minus some crucial ones of course. Despite the confines of a certain amount of free will.....the only positive that ive observed is......the lucid dream experience. So how did i come across my centre. It came about naturally, from lack of money.....and doing those limited wants.....i got into a physical repition type of state......meaning....i could observe myself down to the most minute action or thought.......in a sense.....i could observe my certain centre....for my experience.......so this centre is a lucid awareness of my state of being......and by natural circumstance.......i took this state/centre/lucidity....into my sleeping hours. So the centre.....is something that..for me personally.......has a large part of it..all really....to be maintained in a waking state. Maybe this could be a suggestion of remaining lucid 24 hours a day. Thats the aim. But id hate for someone to assume i mean there is no diference between being awake in everyday life..and being awake while asleep. Trust me, i aint going for a fly in the sky anytime soon while in everyday life! Thats the difference.......their simply two different places....but of course we are the same....at that centre i ve been writting about. There is always something staying as it all progresses. A certain centre.


The black holes.......that had an edge that slowly swirled.....see..i think i was talking to someone..or reading something someone had wrote....about being lucid and looking at oneself in a mirror. I have done it before....and i knew previously that distortions occur. But usually..its more like..a mirror just happens to come my way..on another different storyline..so its brief. This time..it was all about the mirror. Ha, i really did just want to check myself out....to see myself..and not just be a mind floating around.
Im not sure what i got from it. It was just plain weird. So beyond describing their appearance...i dont know. I do know, that black holes exist in our universe. Also that, blackholes can be veryvery large..or so very minute....technically meaning.....one could have a black hole right inside ones own head! So maybe these previous thoughts had an influence. Although..black holes arnt really black....but are really bright...im fairly certain. So i guess that also means my mind held on to...the certain aspects that arnt really fact...but grew up believing. I dont know.

Ah the daily grind. Just the thought. If we were to say that dreaming is some kind of release......i say, refer back to my thought..a world without dreams......and insane seems fitting.


One quick dream.........just a normal dream
I was in a dream.......non-lucid.
In some flashy kind of business building.......
in one particular corridor.......
The weird thing........
It was a video game!
I mean.....certain graphics were floating around,
certain exits and openings..and hidden rooms.....with a weird sci-fi graghics..highlighting....and hanging in the air....truly bizzare.
Plus it mostly took place in this corridor...
because something kept going wrong..and i had to start all over again.
Eventually i got up a stair case.....a checked out some rooms.....
The theme was......i must be hidden....people are looking for me......agents in suits kind of thing....
Im up on a high floor.......
A doorway/window is slightly open....
i go for it..
im out on a ledge.....
they are going to see me very soon...
i think im gonna have to jump....
a crazy jump....
adrenaline.............
beore i land on my feet.......
i awake.
There seemed a slight lucid feeling mid jump....
because it did start to feel all a little to impossible to be occuring. But it faded out fairly fast before impact. I think i was going to land on my feet though.

Oh.......and thismorning..i awoke at ten to five am. Wide awake. The two nights previous......i awoke on ten past five am. Its amazing how that one particular internal clock.....wipes out the idea of an alarm clock.
I mean..it could do. This time it was just weird....and 3 nights in a row. For what seems to be no reason. This morning i did try and get to a lucid state. I thought..if i just remain alert for 15 minutes.....i'll easily fall back asleep lucid........probably 7 minutes later....i was out like a light......and then i had that video game dream.

Ahh, another day.....not quite gone...its only 1:50pm.
Should i say goodnight to you.....? yeah that seems fitting.

take care
take it easy
adrian.......x

 

October 11th, 2006

dream.
:
hey there.

just thought id write a little.
It seems that once again..this morning i awoke at 4:47am.......out of nowhere im dead awake. This time..the fourth time in a row....i decide and know....the opportunity for lucid dreaming is strong.
I just need to stay alert and awake for around 15 minutes. I go and get a drink....im a little hot.
As i lay down i wonder whether i will put on my headphones or not. I decide not to, so i can really have a sound basis for entering sleep.
I tell myself.......i will be lucid in my dream, as i am lucid now, i know where i am right now, and so when im asleep i will know where i am still...and again.
I told myself something like that......just reinforcing that im already lucid.....wide awake.....and so i will naturally enter sleep with this frame of mind.

NOW lets talk about frustration on some level here.
I had an amazing time during the coming hour or hours...
yet i really cant tell you just what happened..in totality.
I put this lack of recall down to..........
a certain frame of mind.......most of us have the ability to look into the past....project foward to a possible future......and also remain mentally in the now. We must move all over the place..between the 3....but for myself..i try to stress that the now....is preety damn important....its the one where im at.....so....what naturally came about this morning.....was a lucid experience..that had no real concern for the past or future. Of course it wasnt perfect in that sense...and so i have some aspects and scenarios i can recall. I wish i could relate the whole thing to you.....possibly even to myself....but i cant. Yet im very happy about it all...when it comes down to it.

So i actually never did enter into a lucid dream straight from laying awake in bed. Unfortunate.
Now there is no real storyline here, so mind the sketchy details....plus the order possibly.

I became lucid......i was at a party. Out of nowhere, it just clicked. I thought great....a lot of characters were filling the room i was in.....i was on a couch with a friend......while all the others....were my brothers friends...(this actually event did occur a couple of weekends ago)(albeit slightly modified) So people are doing some..ah my friend also..sarah..who i mentioned in a previous letter.....start doing shots.....but from the hugest cups......i mean.....i watched in facination at her and some others taking down that much liquid...watching their throats move in motion with it all.

I was on my front lawn.......i had just been flying. A couple of people were around. I think they were family, i decided i wanted to fly some more....
I jumped..leaped into the air a couple of times....to no avail.....just plonked back down to the ground. I sort of did a leap into the air...i had my eyes slightly shut here and there...when they were shut...i could feel the blades of grass with my opened hands....i wanted to go higher....i was way to low...it was absurd. I knew what i had to do....i ran straight towards a fairly large tree in my front yard, about twice my height...i decided to jump right into it..with my eyes closed....knowing that if i shut my dream eyes and imagine myself going over the tree....it would be so. I did it....i sort of went up... in a clockwise fashion....spiralling up. I knew if i closed my eyes some more....the higher i could go....i knew i could go as high as the stars.....but decided not to...i got around a hundred feet above my house. It felt good, and that it was an achievment.

Im now inside my house.......i completely taken by how well im taking it all in......everything is solid in its own way.....maintaining the lucid state is rather quite smooth. Plus.....all objects around me.....just seem so firm. I can tell this lucid dream can go on for a long while. It has been going on for a long while.

At some point i am in my house with my mum......and i mention its just a lucid dream. She then starts telling me i should just wake up then..if its just a dream....
HERE im not sure which way it actually happened, i either really did wake up...because i did start to feel my legs laying in bed asleep. Or if i dreamt i woke up in bed..Either way..i easily returned back into the dream state.

I was now in my auntys and cousins house......i was in the bathroom.....for a moment though..i wasnt lucid at all.......then i came to again.....but suddenly im questioning if i am indeed lucid dreaming. I had recently read how....a minor thing one can do to check is....close one eye and look at the blurry image of ones nose......if it looks normal everyday blurry nose like....well your probably not dreaming. I close an eye, and with such a clarity, im seeing intricate details of my nose..the left side..im lucid dreaming for sure...a certain pore..is so huge....with what appears to be blood. I turn to the bathroom mirror..and look at it even more closely.....it looks weird..not all to normal. I then think about how previously i looked into a mirror and saw those black holes. So i took a step back to get more than just my nose in the reflection. I looked.....fucked. Before looking i felt a certain fear of looking terrible. So that came true with such precision.
I looked..haggered. Old. My hair..was thin..and i was going bald. My scalp........was like a thick chalk....now i have eczema in real life..but here..its absurd......i literally pull off a huge piece of that chalky.....stuff..any other time..one would think..id pulled off a huge piece of my own skull......a handfull that seriously looked like i had. It really freaked me out...for what it was.....just looked like a train wreck...falling to pieces.

Now im in my relatives front lawn....about to get in a car.....with a couple of friends......sarah is their again......i ask her to hop on in.....she says shes not coming. A bit of a let down....

Thats it....i think. Oh i did come across a situation when i was in my house.........where i saw a blanket..and tried the old....lets pull a female from under the blanket trick! didnt work....several times.

Thats it. The end. Maybe it is unfortunate that my recall was muted.....it was probably up there..as my longest lucid dream experience. Despite going out of lucidness here and there...i came back around....and it all felt solid.

NOW..i also had a weird dream before i awoke at 4:47...
before opening my eyes to see the time....
i again cant remember the dream all to well.....
but i had..and every other character.....had something inside our bodies. It all felt really alien.......after i had awoke.......and when i was walking back to bed with my drink of juice......i felt that a symbolism..existed..between what ever happened in the dream....to the idea..that each one of us had some kind of alien in us. Ha sure i was half asleep...
But the dream itself.....i think it appeared..that something living came out of my throat...possibly.....a tongue came out of my tongue. So the experience itself was alien.

Ok ...im off to.....work on something....out back.

 

October, 2006

I had some fairly intense dreaming this morning......
The big shame is....i cant remember it all.....only the smallest things...
my sleep was broken a few times...
one time..i was with.. robin williams and steven speilberg....and steven was taking us to a lounge area (delux) in some huge train/airport/waiting station.....went down some very grand stairs....sorta did a huge unbelievable jump...which felt weird....then at the bottom was some kind of parlament area.
Next im standing with friends..some strangers who might be friends....
Im walking down a corridor....a fair few people around.....im walking by my self. Smoking a joint....right down till the very end of it....as i leave it for the ground..i notice the sparks...of the dying end.
HERE is where i become lucid.......im hanging out with some friends...and possibly some fake girlfriends of some..real in the dream of course.
One of my friends is Mathew.....my friend who died 11 years ago.....im not even sure what made me become lucid....we were walking at night down a wide city street...no one else but us around...a group of 5-6. I remember being lucid..and continuing with our walk....just thinking about what is taking place.....after a while....i remember taking mat..both my hands on each of his shoulders....looking him in the eyes....and i cant remember what was said....i vaguely remember us all walking again once ive/we done this....i think i might have been holding hands with him now. I was definately lucid through it all.....but my recall was put off....because like i said..i was having broken sleep periods....and i actually went into another dream directly after this one.....woke up later...didnt recall it..had another dream period....woke up..and recalled those dreams..which i cant remember now..but then mat's dream came to me.....thought it was weird how it wasnt a lucid dream..then wake up scenario. Makes one wonder just how many lucid dreams take place without us remembering. So another dead person in my dreams..lucid too. Oh it felt absolutley amazing....very peaceful. Nothing could have wrecked that feeling. I just wish i could remember what was spoken....

September, 2006

This is a non-lucid dream.
I’m riding a mountain bike – im in an event – kinda like a triathlon – only weirder – im riding up and down hills – although some of the uphills are beyond the real world – very steep – so I put my bike on my shoulder and walk up it – because that’s quicker. There is a bunch of us competing. An old friend is near by – riding too. (Possibly my exhaustion…from earlier on was based around this dream…maybe I just cant recall what I was doing exactly then)